Butterflies Don't Lie
by MissEvansxx
Summary: Same boy. Same question. Same girl. Same answer? / LilyxJames Oneshot


Hello you guys! I used to write a lot of James/Lily Fanfics years ago and today I suddenly felt like doint it again. This one here is a little bit different than anything else I used to do, but I wanted to try a different style and I hope you enjoy it. It's based on a song, (name of the story is also name of the song!) because I think it's the perfect description of Lilys changing feelings towards James.  
So yeah, don't want to do anymore rambling. Just enjoy and I'd love to have your feedback! :-)

* * *

Once again you're standing right here before me. It feels like a deja vu, but it's not. It's just the same procedure as every day. It's the same question, it's the same ummistakable grin plastered on your face. And I will give you the same answer. _Right_?

You already know it. You know the answer even before your mouth can form the question. Still, you ask again.

 _Why_? I don't get it.

I still owe you an answer and even though my mind is telling me, screaming at me to just spill the word, there's not a single sound coming from my lips. My mouth stays closed, there is something deep down inside that's holding me back. Some small voice is telling me that it would be wrong to say no, but I just _have_ to.

Meanwhile your facial expression has changed. At first there was this wide, broad grin, revealing a perfect set of white teeth. It had turned into a much smaller smile, which almost made you look shy and humble. There was nothing left of the usually confident, narcisstic guy I've come to know.

But by now there was just confusion. You have tilted your head and you're frowning at me.

The whole common room seemed to have stopped doing whatever it was they had been doing. Everyone was staring at us. They are all waiting, waiting for my answer. The answer they all know so well. It's the answer that seems to stay absent today. _Or does it_?

I am looking closely at your face. Your flawless and – even though I would never admit it out loud – pretty beautiful face. Your hazelnut brown eyes are still staring at me, it seems like through them I can see directly into your soul. For the first time I can see hope, mixed with desire and something else. This something else must be love. Love for me, love for the person who keeps on breaking his heart, day after day. _Disappointment after disappointment._

No, that's not possible. You don't carry a single cell in your body that could love someone, especially me. Girls are just an amusement for you. A nice time killer when you're bored or need a self-esteem boost. As soon as they give in to you and your childish games, you leave them without ever looking back.

I will not let that happen to me. I will not be one of _those_ girls. I will not be your toy. If that's what you want, you can wait forever.

And still. Something is nagging inside of me. This voice is back, telling me that maybe, just maybe your intentions are for real. But I cannot believe this. I don't _want_ to believe it.

I take my glance off your eyes. They just confuse me even more. And I don't want mine to reveal anything. But is there anything anyway? No, there's not. There's nothing I would need to hide.

Not a single thing in this world could make me trust you or give you even the slightest chance. The feeling, that has been inside of me for a while now, everytime you're near me – I will ignore it. I will not give in to you.

Even though my heart might beat a thousand times faster when you're around and even though I have to remind myself to breathe when you're flashing your significant smile in my direction – I will not care. One day my entire body, including my heart, will realize that all of this is not real. All the feelings that rise up when I see you, they're just in my imagination. It will pass. My opinion won't change, I will stand tall. My answer will be the same, no matter how often you will ask.

For a short second a glimmer of sadness flashes over your face, when I can finally make my mouth pronounce the word „No". My mind has won the fight once again, my heart just had to surrender.

My hesitation doesn't mean a thing anymore. I hate you. More than anything else.

A smirk is playing on your lips, but your eyes – they give away what you're really feeling. They tell me how much it's hurting you. _I don't care._

You turn around without making another remark. Usually you would say one of your stupid lines, the ones that I have heard so often. You would tell me – _promise me_ – that the time would come, that you would ask again. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week. But this time – _nothing_.

I should not care. I _do_ not care.

I watch you until you have left the common room for good.

And suddenly, there's peace within me. No more voices, no more tingling. I only just realize that my hands had been trembling the whole time. I take a deep breath.

I am glad that this is over, the conflict between head and heart is settled, once and for all.

Without looking at any of the other Gryffindors I turn around and leave for the girls dorm room. On my way, I keep telling myself that I did the right thing, over and over again. But deep inside I can't deny, because I know…

… _butterflies don't lie._


End file.
